Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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