Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
