We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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