I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize