I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
