I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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