just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How's work?
Spinning.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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