I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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