yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
