Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
