cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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