You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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