Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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