Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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