Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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