So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
