i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
