Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize