Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
