i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
