she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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