I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
