I hate all girls vehemently.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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