she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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