My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize