someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
