i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
