So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize