is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
