In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
