Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
