I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
