I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
