The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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