just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
