I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
