why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ttyl tear gas
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
