When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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