I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
