I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
