gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
