it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
