just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
