If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he thought i was a dude.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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