People in love make me want to vomit
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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