Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
