why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he thought i was a dude.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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