Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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