lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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