You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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