Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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