I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
