Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
