There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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