I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
