He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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