i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
