Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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