TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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