I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
