it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
