Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
