Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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