Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
