Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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