My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
