What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
