my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
