apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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