so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
