after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
