OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
