did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
