i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Too much gin, very little bucket
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
