wat bout pragnant strippers??
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
